Welcome to Boganwood, Canberra, (Au)stralia the forgotten suburb.
In today’s adventure we introduce you to and join Sheila as
she wakes early so she can claim what is rightfully hers, her dole
check. Now Sheila is a classy women, and doesn’t like to be called a
dole bludger, she works very hard to make ends meat and today will not
be any differently. Even in Boganwood, Canberra’s forgotten suburb
nothing is free……..
Sheila couldn’t believe her luck that today was dole day! She had
survived the week and had accomplished exactly what she set out to do.
She stared at her last ciggie and drew back carefully enjoying each
moment of the smoke infecting her lungs with pure bliss. She had just
taken her morning wake up bong hit and the day was looking mellow. It
was 11am and she could hear the other occupants on the streets slowly
rising from their slumbers ready to walk out to check the mail box as
today was DOLE day!
In the distance a motorcycle could be heard working it ways up the
street, Sheila slowly moved her way to the door grabbing her trackies on
the way as she didn’t want to appear lower class in front of the
neighbours. Dingo was nowhere to be seen, but by the in turned pockets
on her trackies she could tell that he was already up and ready for his
day of work. He was a working man now and Sheila was proud of him, as he
had now been able to hold down his part time job for a record of 2
weeks, which again was a milestone and the job paid cash in hand which
allowed the dole payments to continue. Sheila sniffed her trackies to
ensure they didn’t smell bad and was pleasantly greeted by the aroma of
bong water and goon juice bringing back the memories of the night
before……….
Night times in Boganwood was a hive of activity and although the
tele hadn’t worked for a matter of months now, not that it mattered,
Sheila, Dingo and Bricko had found a barrel and ‘borrowed’ some milk
crates from the local, setting up a pleasant night of drinking goon and
talking about the good old times around a fire. Last night Dingo had
relayed the story again about their attempt to cash in on the government
intuitive, the baby bonus…….
‘So Sheila and I were down at the centrelink office waiting for
our monthly interview to see what job we was looking at doing and stuff’
Dingo said with excitement.
Bricko rolled his eyes as this was not the first time he had
heard this story and it became more and more elaborate as the retelling
occurred, what Dingo kept forgetting to mention was that Bricko was the
person that told them about the Baby Bonus scheme.
‘And this bloke wearing a suit cum up to me and sez, have youse
heard about the Baby bonus?. Now I hadn’t read a newspaper since the
stopped wrapping hot chips in them, but he went on to explain that if we
had a kid we could get up to 5 grand!’
Bricko laughed knowing that this was not what had occurred and
the discussion had actually happened after Bricko had noticed a new
pamphlet with the words Baby Bonus written on it. Bricko had put two and
two together through the words Baby and Bonus and figured it had
something to do with money as there were only a few left in the pamphlet
holder. It shouldn’t go with mentioned that Bricko and his mother
prided themselves on the fact that he completed high school and was
classed as an educated man, and had even passed a few classes. With this
level of education he was bound for great things and he would always
look for a great way to earn more money and this pamphlet had it all.
‘So I sez, You sure the government is gonna pay me to root
Sheila? and he said yep. So I sez to sheila we should go home and get on
it’ at this point Sheila jumped in with her version of events
‘ So Dingo sez to me, lets have a root when we get home to see
if we can get one of those baby bonus things, and I thought I might be
able to get something out of this, so I sez that I would do it if he
bought me a pack of ciggies and cask of wine, the good stuff not the
cheap stuff. Dingo jumped at the idea as he was thinking that he would
be able to buy tons of wine and ciggies with the 5 grand. So we went
home and on the way stopped at Woolies for our stash!’
Dingo quickly jumped back in ‘ And then we rooted all night !’.
Bricko again agreed with the story to Dingos face although his mind
starting reliving the event over and over. Bricko recalled that he
stayed over the house because he drank too much to ride home, and was in
the same room when the event occurred only separated by a sheet that
Dingo pulled over with a glint of wickedness in his eyes!. The so called
root only took a moment in time compared to the discussion about the
root. Bricko shivered at the remembering of the story, and although at
one point he did find Sheila attractive, after the listening of the
rooting that occurred, he wasn’t sure he could hold her in that regard
ever again. Dingo tried to go to sleep before the event occurred but the
room was greeted with loud love making noises.
‘ Daz you can’t stick it in my arse, you can’t get pregnant that way’
‘Sorry Sheils I thought you were a bit tight down there’
‘And you can’t cum on my tits like you saw on that internet that won’t get me pregnant’
‘I was trying to get some of the foreplay stuff I saw in a movie’
‘No Dingo just root me, we need to take this seriously if we want it to work, no screwing around and stuff.’
The grunting that greeted the lack of pleasure filled the room
and Bricko closed his eyes tighter and tighter, only to find he couldn’t
block it out so he left the room to take another bong hit hoping the
marijuana would mellow out his over active mind.
“And then we were so worked out, we both fell asleep with the job
completed’ Dingo continued ‘With a baby on its way ‘. Now Bricko wasn’t
certain but 3 months on he thought that Sheila would have been showing
by now, him with his high school education and all, he was certain that
she would be on her way. Dingo danced around raising his voice at the
ways there were going to spend the baby bonus money, looking at such
thing like a new Torana, A pack of ciggies, throw a party and best of
all a new plasma TV.
Sheila smiled at the thought of last night’s antics and that in only 6
more months she could relax at home without her busy schedule of losing
job interviews well behind her watching her new plasma Tv. She placed
her hand on her belly and stumbled out the door looking up the street
for the postie, today was going to be a good day, she could feel it. She
walked around the Holden and Torana that was parked on the lawn and
checked that no one was sleeping in the, she didn’t want to be seen as a
bad neighbour. Sheila stood on the road watching the postman, 3 doors
down, 2 doors down, 1 door down and now driving toward her.
With eager anticipation she reached out to grab the mail as quickly
as she could to go and cash the check in………….but the postie kept driving
on without stopping. Sheila was in shock, it was fucking dole day she
thought! What the fuck was going on!! Someone was going to pay, she
yelled after the mailman ‘Oi Cunt, where’s my fucking mail ?’ he kept
driving unable to listen due to the helmet he was wearing, so she
started chasing him down the street, asking the neighbours if they had
her mail…..no one did……Someone would pay for this screw up ! And as
Sheila didn’t have any credit left on her phone, it would be in
person….. Those fuckers at centrelink, will pay! This is the last time
she thought as she started her long walk toward Centrelink ………….
To be continued………….that’s where we leave Sheila for today,
on her search for her dole check…. Boganwood is a place of many
adventures and I pity the Centrelink officer that will be dealing with
Sheila and her rage issues…. See you all back in Boganwood very, very
soon…………..
email : boganwood@hotmail.com
or thedheadfactor@hotmail.com
