Boganwood The msiadventure audio version

The audio version of Boganwoods latest episode

Boganwood Misadventure 2 - Davos little Secret

Welcome to Boganwood Australia, Canberra’s forgotten suburb 

In today’s adventure we  get to meet the ever interesting character that is Davo as he rushes to get something done before he has to get to work…………………………. 

Davo raced up the heart of the city on his way to get some stuff sorted before he was due for work! It had been a close call but he figured he would have time to get back home and changed if he just had another 30 minutes. 

See, it wasn’t Davo’s fault really, but the night before had really thrown off his schedule and he was still in the same clothes. See, Davo was the manager at work and considering what he was wearing it wouldn’t be appropriate for him to turn-up the way he did. 

“Fuck’ Davo yelled as he got stuck at another set of traffic lights. 

Now Davo was concerned as this secret of his had been well kept now for a couple of years and this was the first time that he had been so close to getting caught. The lights turned green and he made his way to the next set of traffic lights only to get another red light. 

‘This is getting fucking ridiculous’ He yelled openly in the car and looked up the road to the next set of traffic lights, and that’s when he spotted his worst nightmare up ahead standing at the traffic lights !!! 

“what the fuck !’ he said looking in either direction trying to figure a way out of the traffic. “Ahhhh fuck, what have I done’ he thought as the light turned green and he slowly made his way to the next set of traffic lights wishing for it to remain green allowing him to drive straight through ! 

See the reason Davo was concerned, was due to the fact that up ahead was everyone favourite Bogans and Davo’s worse nightmare, Bricko and Dingo ‘washing windows’. Now he didn’t have a specific problem with them but they did have a tendency to cause a lot of problems for him and considering his current situation it could only make matters worse. 

‘Please God, Let me through this’ He yelled. 

‘I swear I will treat everyone with respect and donate a large sum of money, if you only give me a green light!’ he prayed as the car continued to move. 

Now it shouldn’t go without mention that Davo himself didn’t actually believe in God, unless he felt it was convenient for him that was, but considering the situation he was in. What real options did he actually have? 

Well Davo tried as he might to get through the next set of traffic lights to no success. 

The fucking car in front of him came to a halt on the amber light! 

‘Fuck you, you stupid fuck!’ Davo yelled. 

He didn’t want to draw attention to himself so he layer off the horn…… but I’m sure you guessed it by now, it didn’t fucking work. 

He ducked down hoping that they wouldn’t recognise him as Bricko started to wash his window. 

‘No thank you, I’m ok’ He yelled with his face down, but it didn’t appear to work and Bricko continued to wash his window with dirty water. Fuck me he thought to himself. Why, why, why could he be so stupid. It was Canberra after all and the traffic light was full of Bogans, his clientele so to speak. Davo kept his head in his lap when there was a tap on the Window. He looked up and there was fucking Bricko, staring into his front window, with a strange look upon his face and then turn his attention up the road. 

Davo hoped upon want that he wouldn’t be recognised but Bricko continued looking up the road as he kept tapping on the window. Maybe there is a way I could pay him without him recognising me, Davo thought and that when it happened. 

Davo in his infinite wisdom left the door unlocked and I’m sure you can guess what happened next! 

BANG! 

Bricko opened the door as 2 cyclists ran into it! 

Davo stared around in shock as the 2 cyclist hit the door and fell from their bikes. 

‘Come on mate, we are in a hurry!’ Bricko yelled to Dingo as Davo stared in shock at what had happened. 

Now you know what happens from here so we will just recap……anyway 

• Bricko and Dingo stole the bikes 
• The cyclist lay on the ground in shock 
• Davo remained in his car in shock 

‘Are you alright?’ A women said as she walked up to the door looking at the driver. ‘I saw what happened, it was those bloody Bogan’s’ she said. Davo looked at the car in front of him moving through the traffic as a small crowd gathered around him! 

What should he do! He needed to get changed and get to work; this situation was getting out of hand. He reached over and shut the door, racing down the street to get home. A thousand things raced through his mind as he was on his way home, and a lot had to do with Dingo and Bricko…….which led him to the connection of Sheila. Fuck me, what if Bricko told Sheila what he had seen? Did Bricko even recognise him ? He didn’t know…… 

Davo raced home and got dressed into his work clothes. He contemplated calling in sick for the day until he got his bearings and worked that he couldn’t call into work sick as this was his works busiest day ! See as the manager there was no way out of it. 

Davo got dressed for work and headed back in. By the time he got near the scene of the bike accident, everything had been cleared and the traffic was moving through. 

And just Davo luck, considering her was on his way to work, he got every fucking green light ! 

There were no bogans to be found and he got to work in record time ! 

He walked into work and raced into his office. 

If only he could stay in his office all day he could work out exactly what to do ! 

But poor old Davo had no such luck . 

All of a sudden there was a commotion in the reception area and he went to investigate and that’s when everything came tumbling down !  

‘Where’s my fucking Centrelink Cheque’ Sheila yelled at the receptionist. 

Davo looked around everywhere for Diesel, the security guard and suddenly remembered that he had left a message the night before that he was sick and wouldn’t be able to come in today. 

The receptionist paged the security guard to no success and Davo walked up and whispered in her ear, that Diesel had called in sick and wouldn’t be in. 

He was fucked, but it could be worse ! Bricko could be here he thought and that when his saviour walked through the door ! A great sense of relief washed over him as he yelled out to the security guard walking in the door ‘Thank you sir, this bogan needs to be removed off the premises please’ he said with a smile on his face. 

As the security got closer he realised, he was fucked. 

Wearing a security jacket was Bricko. 

Bricko walked up to him and whispered ‘Alright Princess’ he knew Davo thought himself ‘Tuck your cock and grab your frock, I really liked you in floral if I had to choose. Can’t we work something out for my mate Sheila?’ Bricko pulled back to watch Davo in shock. “ I’m so sorry for any inconvenience we have caused you, I will go and get your cheque straight way" Davo said as he raced off to get a cheque for Sheila…….  

Have you guessed it yet ? Well here another hint……. 

As Davo walked into his office, he heard the news come on the radio 

‘There was an accident earlier today on the main road in the city as two unknown males, brazenly attacked a women as she was driving down the road using her car door, to knock two cyclists off their bikes and stealing them…..Police are looking to question the lady driving the car and if you have any information please call crime stoppers’ 

‘FUCK !’ Davo yelled 

He quickly got the cheque and raced out to hand it Sheila, and watched as Bricko walked out the door. Bricko turned to give Davo a smile with a nod of recognition. 

Now you should have guessed it by now. Davo liked to partake in a bit of cross dressing from time to time. Now there’s nothing wrong with that at all, and little did Davo know, but the incident itself was safer in Bricko’s hand than anyone else. That’s not to say that Bricko won’t use Davo to help him if required, I mean come on Bricko would abuse this power would he ? 

Only time would tell……. 

So that’s where we leave Davo today as he tries to work out how to control his now known little secret finally getting out. But everything has a way of working itself out in Boganwood would only come back to bite him if Bricko used it to his advantage….right ! 

Well come back to Boganwood to find the answers to the question 

• What will happen to Davo and his little secret ? 
• What has happened to everyone favourite Bogans ?? 
• And how is all this back-story going to help us in Season 2? 

Come back to find the answers to all this and in the return of Boganwood Season 2 Late August 2013 ! And remember what they say in Boganwood ! 

‘Tuck your cock and grab your frock!’ 

www.boganwood.com

Boganwood - The Misadventures of Beryl

Welcome to Boganwood Australia, Canberra’s forgotten suburb

Before we get back into the adventure with Sheila, Bricko and Dingo, we are going to take a detour to meet another of Boganwood's interesting characters

In today’s adventure we meet Beryl, another character that lives in the suburb of Boganwood as she goes through her fortnightly routine...........

Beryl woke up early, and looked out the window to check the weather, as today she had a few things to get accomplished and one of them needed a wee bit of organisation.

Now Beryl was classed as Elderly and although she frowned on the Bogans of Boganwood waiting on their fortnightly cheques from Centrelink, she would often get up early to check that her pension payment was in on time.

This morning was no different and she needed to get to the bank to make a quick withdraw, so she started on her way.

Now as Beryl takes herself to the bank in her fortnightly routine, we should take a moment to explain a bit about Beryl. She had been in Boganwood for many years, and was treated with a large amount of respect. Yeah there had been a few problems with the odd riff raff, stealing things from her yard but they never ever went around the back thankfully!

She had done a number of things to keep people out including keeping a sign up telling everyone she had a Rottweiler and putting in fake security cameras. Beryl had to keep people out of her garage as in the garage was her pride and joy!

Beryl made her way to the bank...........In this day and age no one needed to go to the teller anymore, but Beryl was different and she would make her way every fortnight to the local bank and make a withdraw of some pension payments.

Today was no different and she walked into the bank to be greeted by the always pleasant and smiling faces of those around her.

Beryl took her ticket, waiting to be called......

She had her favorite teller by the name of Greta and she would look forward to her conversations with her every week.

For the next 30 minute she would talk about her grown up kids and show photos, talking about her upcoming medical appointments and finally making the withdraw.

The bank was used to her and as she was a lovely little old lady, who would ever complain?

Beryl made her withdraw, slipping a $50 note into her purse for a later hand at Bingo and walked out into the town ready to take on her plans that she had put in place for the day.....

Beryl made her way up the street to her location and stopped to watch a busker play away with such intensity that he had his eyes closed ...

Beryl loved the song and stopped to have a listen.....

Now, It should go without saying that not everyone in Boganwood is nasty or mean or always looking for a quick buck and when it came to Beryl.......

Well, I’m sure you guessed it by now.....

She was once of the fucking worse! What I hear you say? The lovely little old lady?

Fuck no she wasn’t lovely, she was just better at hiding it then others....

Beryl was on her way to the local pub for a few wines and to gamble away her pension. Now I hear you say, that isn’t bad, that something she needs help with?

Well let me tell you, you’re wrong....

Beryl fell over and landed next to where the busker was playing.... As people started to help her up, she decided to help herself to a couple of dollars (and notes) out of the buskers money....

No one expected it and it always gave her a few free drinks down the local pub.....

As she was helped up and checked that she was alright, she continue to make her way to the pub....

That’s right people Beryl’s plan for the day was gambling the money through the poker machines..........Hours later and with only $50 dollars left to gamble she stared at the last poker machine she had played, trying to work out if she should take her money and leave...

Should she take the 50 and leave? Fuck no thought Beryl, This machine had to pay sooner or later and so she put it into the machine hoping for a win.....

No sooner had she put the money in the machine then it was gone...... She had gambled away allot of money!

She got up from the machine swearing and cursing under her breathe and watched as a couple of local Bogans jumped onto the machine after her. She pulled up a seat nearby and watched as the fucking Bogans kept hitting the buttons and that’s when it happened.....

The feature went off!

The Bogans started cheering and Yahooing over their win.... Over her machine, Beryl thought! Fucking Bogans! Fucking Boganwood! Beryl made her way to the manager...

"Excuse me Sir" Beryl said

"Yes, maam, how can I help you?”

"Well, I’m not usually the type of person that likes to start trouble, but a couple of people just jumped onto my machine while I went to the Ladies room"

"I’m sorry, Which Machine is it I’m sure there was some confusion and it was a misunderstanding. We can work it out?”

"That one over there" Beryl pointed over to the machine as Bricko and Dingo were dancing around with excitement over their win.

By the look the manager had on his face he had obviously had dealings with Dingo and Bricko before, they were Bogan scum and made his job difficult. He knew he needed help.....so he went to his Security guard Diesel....

"Have seat, and we will sort this out for you. I’m sorry for the inconvenience" The manager said to Beryl. Beryl was happy; she sat back and watched the fireworks....

Now you all know what happens from here as this was mentioned in an earlier episode but here’s a recap....

* Sheila turns up screaming and yelling

* Dingo, Bricko and Sheila are removed from the club

* Diesel get rolled out the front and Dingo and Bricko steal his security Jacket

"There you are, and we are sorry for this inconvenience" The manager said to Beryl as he helped her back to her chair.

"That’s alright lovey" Beryl stated “It’s the drugs that makes them do it, it’s all the whacky tobacy" she said to the manager.

She sat down with a smile on her face..... On the machine was $150...this was turning out to be a very lucky day she thought as she hit collect.

With all her winnings, she left the club and smiled at all that she had accomplished today......

She had a list of new credit card numbers and expiry dates (She had taken them down as she distracted Greta this morning in the bank), she had all the winnings from the machine and she had actually made a profit through all the purses she had gone through talking to different women about her grandkids and children.....

Now let’s get this straight......she had no children, She hated them....all they did was cost money, she thought and there was no way some little fucker was going to ruin her get rich scheme.....

She felt good and on a high as she walked in the front door of her house and made her way to the back shed......

She opened the door and made her way to the safe. She placed the money left over from the club on top of a large pile of cash and turned to stare at her pride and joy.....

Beryl walked up to the nearest plant and cut off a bud....tonight she was going to mulch it up and tomorrow she would sell it to her local Bogans of Boganwood.....

Beryl was a dope dealer see, and through all the schemes she had pulled off in her time this was the most profitable. By living in Boganwood she had been able to slip under the radar with her scheme and she was doing great! That was, until she crossed paths and screwed over, Dingo, Bricko and Sheila who were about to change her luck once and for all........

But that’s another story that will be told another day.......

Beryl’s true colors have just started to show and things have a way to work themselves out in Boganwood for the Good, the Bad and definitely the Bogan....... Come back to Boganwood to find out the answers to the questions

* How bad is little old Beryl really?

* Will Beryl finally get what’s coming to her?

* And what the fuck are Dingo, Bricko and Sheila up to???

Come back to find the answers to all of these questions and more in the next season of Boganwood, Season 2, to be released very, very soon.

And remember what they say in Boganwood.......

"Never trust your Nanna"

Boganwood Episode 8 (Season 1 Finale)

Welcome to Boganwood, Canberra, (Au)stralia the forgotten suburb.

 In todays adventure, we bring closure to the first seasons adventure with Sheila, Dingo and Bricko.

Jimbo was pissed and sitting in the only mode of transport left for the boys to leave in !

“ What the fuck were you pulling?” he yelled “ I knew I couldn’t trust you fuckers he yelled”

“Well Jimbo mate, we didn’t technically call the cops….that, was your neighbour”

“There is no technicality you dumb fuck” Jimbo yelled "How are you ever going to pay me back ?

“Well Jimbo, We figured that we aint done nothing wrong, so we wont be paying you back”

“What do you mean you wont be paying me back ?” Jimbo asked

“ Well Jimbo, it would appear that you have a busted leg, there are 2 of us and we can kick your fucking arse” Dingo said looking at Bricko for support

“Now Jimbo, were not inclined to take violence out on people not wearing security jackets but I think you get the point” Bricko continued.

“Well fuckers, even with a busted leg I could still kick your arse” Jimbo as he started to climb out of the car…

Whilst Jimbo and the boys were arguing, Sheila sped toward Jimbos house……in a car…. with a friend of hers that she had recognized whilst yelling and screaming in Centrelink.

Now it shouldn’t go without mention that Sheila didn’t go and get her dole check, she just walked in and yelled “ I need to leave, and when I get back I wanted my fucking dole check !!!” thats when she spotted someone that could help her get to Jimbo's place.

Jimbo stepped out of his car and turned around as another car sped towards them, he stared at Dingo and Bricko in horror as the car continued to drive faster and faster !

“ What the fuck have you done, you silly cunts !!” Jimbo said as he quickly jumped back in his car and started the car

“ I will fucking get you back and it aint going to be pretty” He yelled as he sped off down the road in the opposite direction of the car moving faster and faster towards them.

All of a sudden the car came to a halt and Dingo and Bricko stared at each other and then at Sheila in the passenger seat. Sheila jumped and looked at the bruise on Dingo face. 

“ What the fuck have they done to ya ?” Sheila asked Dingo. 

“ Well me and Bricko had us a plan and stuff, but fucking that security guard from the club turned up”,” How the fuck did that happen?” Sheila asked. “ It’s a long story, we should be discussing down at the pub” Bricko said as he reached into pocket and pulled out the window washing earnings

” do you think your mate can give us a lift ?” he asked.

“Well I should probably explain who’s in the car” Sheila said as the boys climbed into the back seat. As Dingo and Bricko got into the car, there was a baby seat in the center of the back seat and in the front of the car was a familiar face. Jimbo's Ex…..

Now, It was a common story in Boganwood that Jimbo was a bit of a ladies man who had been dodging child support for months, moving from house to house to keep ahead of his ex, Karen (or Kazza). 

She had got pregnant to Jimbo and when she hit him up for support, he kept running and saying he didn’t have a job. This was the first time in months that Kazza had tracked him down and the reason why he pissed off so quickly. To say she owed them was an understatement, although he had got away yet again the fucker !

Kazza turned to the boys “ Alright boys, lets head to the pub! Me mums got the bub so we can put one on and talk about where you think Jimbo might pop his head up again. Sound like a plan ?”

“Fuck yeah” Dingo and Bricko yelled at the same time

“ No fucking way !” Sheila yelled!! “ I want my fucking dole check !!!!! Get me to fucking Centrelink”….

The crew pulled up to centrelink and Sheila bolted out of the car and barged her way to the front counter ! She was a women on a mission and no one was going to stop her. The reception saw her coming and paged the security guard, but no one came.

The manager sulked his way to the counter and whispered to the receptionist. 

“What do you mean the security guard called in sick, Diesel is never sick” She turned to Sheila who was pissed !

“Wheres my fucking dole check !”

“Its not dole day, mam”

“I aint no fucking mam and it is fucking dole day”

The supervisor turned to her manager for support 

“ Im sorry you are disappointed, but we cant issue checks here I'm sorry. Can we get your details and we will get back to you ?”

“No you fucking cant, you bald headed fuck”

“Now, I'm sorry but you cant use language like that”

“What are you, racist of something ?” Sheila yelled

“I'm sorry I'm confused, what does race have to do with me talking about your language ?”

“Yeah I think you are confused, go and get my dole check or I'm gonna ring Julia Gillard and stuff, and go to Current affair over you refusing to pay a pregnant women, and you were racist towards me and you swore at me….. "Sheila continued her rant.

The manager didn’t know what to do, this was unprecedented and there was no one to help him. It was at that moment that Bricko walked in wearing his security jacket, and the manager felt a sense of relief wash over him.

“Thank you sir, this bogan needs to be removed off the premises please”

Bricko didn’t understand at first, but then he rembered that with the jacket they thought he was the guard. He reached over and whispered something to the manager, all of a sudden the managers face went white.

Sheila continued her tirade on everything and anything she could think off “ And then I was thrown out on the streets, and physically assaulted and you wouldn’t help me and made me homeless”

The manager turned to Sheila “ Im so sorry for any inconvenience we have caused you, I will go and get your check straight way". Sheila stopped ranting and turned toward Bricko as the manager started to walk off “What did you say to him” She asked.

“Don’t you worry about what I said” Bricko smiled at Sheila.

Dingo and Kazza sat in the car and waited as Sheila and Bricko walked out of the office and got into the car. “Lets got to the Pub” Sheila said “ I GOT MY FUCKING DOLE CHECK “

So that brings the first season to a close.

If you want more Boganwood, drop us a  line at boganwood@hotmailc.om or come back and visit boganwood.com for the latest content.

Boganwood is also available on iTunes and Stitcher smart radio.

...............................................

Jimbos car sped up the road as a number of thoughts crossed his mind. How the fuck had they found Kazza, shit he had been dodging her for months ! It was time he stopped underestimating these fuckers, ever since he had been involved with Dingo and Bricko it had all started to turn to shit.

He tried to work through his next move

Should he move states ?

Should he keep running ?

She he just stay the fuck away from Bricko and DIngo ?

No fucking way, he thought as he made his way towards Centrelink. As he pulled into the car park, away from the crew sitting in Kazzas car. 

Jimbo watched as Sheila got back into the car with Bricko  waving around her dole check....

This was far from over he thought, and there was no way he was going to let them get one over on him again.

He quickly made his way to the pub and watched as they all got out of the car, cheering and yahooing ............... Jimbo watched in silence waiting for an opportunity to arise and thats when it happened........