Boganwood Episode 6

Welcome to Boganwood, (Au)stralia, Canberra’s the forgotten suburb.

In today’s adventure we jump straight back into the action as Sheila and Jimbo drive towards the undisclosed location, check back in on Dingo and Bricko as they race towards Jimbo house…….

The car continues to make its way down the street as Shelia turned to Jimbo.

“Alright Jimbo, I get the point…..we did you wrong and we need to put things right”

Jimbo smiled and reached down and put an old Jimmy Barnes tape into the tape deck he had installed himself. Sheila kept watching him trying to discuss the issue at hand

“Jimbo, I get your pissed. But how is it my fault ? I didn’t even do nufing….” Jimbo continued to drive…..

…….Meanwhile Bricko and Dingo continued up the road running after the car, looking for a mode of transport to get to Jimbo’s place quicker. As they continue their way up the road, they saw two cyclists riding past in the bike lane and that’s when a plan kicked into Brickos mind.

“Hey Dingo, I got me a plan follow me…..” Bricko yelled as he continued to run. As they made their way toward the next set of traffic lights, Bricko stopped and grabbed Dingo….

“What the fuck Bricko, we have to get Sheila….” Dingo yelled “ She the love of my life, we have been together since we was 12” he continued.

Bricko caught his breathe and jumped in “Stop Dingo mate, I need you to trust me”  he stood and waiting for the traffic light to turn red.

Dingo stopped ranting for a moment and watched Bricko as he started to wash windows. “ Theres no fucking time” Dingo yelled ! “ But Bricko continued washing the windows as two cyclists made their way to the traffic lights. Now anyone that knows cyclists that ride on the road knows that the road rules only apply to them when it’s convenient and a red light was not something they were going to stop for.

Bricko placed himself next to a car that sat along the bicycle path and as the cyclist were about to drive past, he opened the driver’s side door !

BANG !

Both cyclists ran into the door and fell of their bikes

The driver was in shock !

The riders were in shock !

Bricko was far from being in shock, he yelled at Dingo “ Come one mate, we are in a hurry!”

Dingo stood startled at what had just happened, but quickly made his way towards the now vacant bikes. Bricko grabbed the first one, and started to get onto it as drivers started to get out of their cars to look after the hurt cyclists. Dingo grabbed the second bike, but felt he should say something to the now injured cyclists

“A red light means stop fuck wit!, ride on the roads ! Obey the fucking rules”

He grabbed a handful of change and threw it at them “We just bought your bikes…half prices cause they are dented”

Bricko laughed as he started to ride off thinking of the backward logic he had used to acquire the perfectly rideable dented bikes and Dingo followed. As they continued down to Jimbo’s place riding their bikes a small crowd had gathered around the driver (who was still in shock) and the 2 cyclists who were perfectly alright except for their ego…… oh yeah and the fact they didn’t have bikes….

Bricko and Dingo kept riding as they made their way through the pathways and crossroad to get through to Jimbos place making great pace…….

As Jimbo kept driving as Sheila kept yelling at him “You said you wanted to talk ! Now talk !!”. Jimbo kept singing and reached across to turn the stereo off.

He turned to Sheila “ Now Sheila, Don’t be like that. I haven’t done anything to hurt you unlike the other 2 idiots you hang out with”

 Sheila continued to rant trying to work out what she would do to escape this position. “ Jesus Jimbo, what the fuck ! How is this shit my fault ? You know I’m pregnant and stuff don’t you ?? “

“Well Sheila, I’m thinking that may be debateable but, you would know best as you usually do “

“ Yeah but what about letting me go ? Why can’t you just pull over and let me out ??”

“ Well that’s because I have a wee bit of a plan I need your help with”

“What fucking plan you dero fuck !”

“ You will see Sheila” Jimbo quickly spun the wheel on the car crossing over the lanes and driving every faster “ This part of the story is over for the likes of you Sheila !” Jimbo laughed with a weird look in his eyes as he continued to drive faster and faster.

As this was occurring Jimbo and Bricko were making great time and were only moments away from Jimbos place. So they decided they should discuss their tactic before reaching his house and stopped riding.

“ Alright what’s the plan of attack” Dingo asked Bricko

“ Well he has a busted leg, and he isn’t known for using weapons so I think he may just want a cut of our window washing business”

“ Yep, Bricko, I know you’re the thinking man… but maybe your shouldn’t call it our Window washing business in front of him?”

“ Shit your right, that could be our negotiating point. It’s weird really, we gave him the thing he wanted, and opportunity to sue the supermarket and he is after us ?”

“ Yep I agree it don’t make no sense Bricko. But we need a plan”

“ Ok well I need to think clearly” Bricko said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a joint.

“ I like you’re thinking” Dingo said as he waited for Bricko to light the joint. Bricko took a puff and handed it to Dingo and as Dingo put the joint to his mouth and that when came up with a plan of attack…

……Jimbo slammed on the breaks as Sheila stared out the window in shock !

“ Your fucking kidding me” she yelled at Jimbo

“Nope Sheila, sorry this is the end for you”

Jimbo said as he reached across the car

……

Bricko and Dingo pulled their newly acquired bikes up to Jimbos place, but his car was nowhere to be seen. They looked around the yard…. Where was he ?

They walked around the house and couldn’t see a door or window open…

Bricko looked through the window and saw movement

“The fuckers in there! quick!” Bricko yelled as he ran toward the front door of the house. He started banging and yelling through the door.

“Let me in !, Let her out” Both Dingo and Brick yelled getting ready to charge down the door. As they continued to yell and scream they didn’t realise that Jimbo had pulled up in his car and started to get out.

Bricko and Dingo continued to yell, as Jimbo started to walk up behind them……

Jimbo yelled

“ Hello boys”

Dingo and Bricko turned around to see Jimbo holding Sheila cigarette lighter in his hand lighting a ciggie. It was only a matter of moment before the boys realised, Sheila was no longer in the Car !

As these thoughts were digesting, the front door to the house opened and another person step out… Jimbo smiled

“ Boys it about time we have a chat”

“Where the fuck is Sheila! You Cunt” Dingo yelled

“She has been taken ‘good’ care of” Jimbo smiled in a strange way

“Have you met me mate ?”

“ Hello boys, remember me ? “ Diesel said………….

So that’s where we leave Bricko and Dingo for today after they finally make it to Jimbos place only to meet yet another obstacle…. But that’s the story we will continuing another day……. Boganwood is a place of many adventures and things have a tendency to work itself out and in recent events they have taken a serious turn towards the bad element…. Come back to Boganwood to find the answer to the questions

What happened to Sheila ?

How is Jimbo going to seek his revenge for the incidents that unfolded ?

Why is Diesel at Jimbos place ? and

Where are to cops while all this is going on ??

All will be answered in the next episodes and remember what they say to their kids in Bogan wood…..

 Don’t you fucken swear you little shit !

Boganwood - The Audio Version

Hello Boganwood fans

To get full Boganwood there is also an audio version available on iTunes

Click here
https://itunes.apple.com/au/podcast/boganwood/id486327558?mt=2

Or Stitcher Smart Radio

stitcher.com/s/player.php?eid=19824654

Featuring an aussie Bogan reading the adventures of Boganwood

boganwood@hotmail.com

Boganwood Episode 5

Welcome to Boganwood, Canberra, (Au)stralia the forgotten suburb.
In today’s adventure we follow the continuing antics of Sheila and Jimbo as they drive towards the undisclosed location, but before we do we should briefly check in on Dingo and Bricko as they wash windows…….
Dingo stared at the traffic lights waiting in anticipation for the lights to turn red. They have already had a fairly big day with the collections they had from the cars they were servicing and had worked out their plan for maximum collection…..
Bricko, you know him the thinking man, had worked on a way to create a system whereby they could cash in on window washing by only washing a few actual windows.
“ Now Dingo get ready “ Bricko yelled across to Dingo as they stood in preparation for the cars. The light turned to amber and the traffic started to slow, coming to a complete stop on the red light and the boys were on the attack.
Bricko walked around one side of the car with his window washing squeegee raised high, making his way toward the first car pointing at the driver.
“You want a wash “ He yelled
The driver shook his head and he turned to the next one.
The next driver also shook his head……
Bricko made his way through the traffic getting no’s from all the drivers….. now here is where the scam came in. Whilst the driver were paying attention to saying no to Bricko, Dingo started to wash the windows without permission.
He slammed the squeegee down on the first car as the driver shook his head for him to leave. Bricko looked over and saw Dingo had started washing the windows and walked back toward the first car making his way to the drivers window. Dingo moved onto the second car ignoring the drivers request for him to piss off as Bricko banged on the first cars window with his hand out asking for change.
The driver was pissed but only wanted the bogan standing at his window to piss off, so he reached into his wallet and shoved the lose change into Brickos hand. Bricko pocketed the money and followed Dingo as he washed a number of cars waiting for the lights to change.
The drivers of the cars were too busy yelling at Dingo to realise the handsome Bricko standing next to their window with a ciggy hanging out of his mouth banging on their windows. Now this scheme was proven to work and the boys were collecting 5 – 10 bucks a car…. bloody Canberra public servants always had ‘loose change’…. but nothing bought in more money then standing in front of a car after the light had turned green.
It was a bit trial and error, but soon they realised which cars would give you the big payout and you didnt even have to wash the actual window. Bricko and Dingo would pick a car and start walking toward it after the lights had changed, the driver would start beeping, but so would the cars behind him. In frustration the driver would always hand some quick cash to get the boys out of the way so he could continue his drive. The boys were collecting big amounts and they were proud of themselves giving little thought to Jimbo and his busted leg but that would soon change……
Jimbo continued to drive up the road passing places that sheila would frequently visit
The park, the toilet blocks, the local shops, the pub and fuck me ! Centrelink…..
Sheila watched out the window as centrelink passed them by and she was furious !
“ Fuck you Jimbo let me out of the car, I want my fucking Centrelink check”
“No sheila, cant do that mate, we need to visit someone and work out how we are going to solve the problem your boys brought on at the supermarket yesterday”
“I don’t give a fuck, I’m pregnant and stuff, it ain’t my fault that you dont know how to fucking walk you clumsy cunt”
“Now sheila that isn’t really a nice thing to say “ Jimbo said as he continued to drive into the city.
Sheila looked left and right trying to figure out a way to escape, but her options were limited until she realised one important fact…… they were close to where Bricko and Dingo were window washing… Was Jimbo driving her to the guys ? That would be stupid, she thought they would out number him and kick his arse for taking her…..
But maybe he didn’t realise…. or did he? Sheila looked around as Jimbo started to sing
“I love my life as a dickhead!
All my friends are dickheads too (two)
Come with me let’s be dickheads (Haven’t you heard?)
Being a dickhead’s cool!”
“ What the fuck are you singing you silly cunt ?” Sheila asked as she looked around the car for something that could help her.
Jimbo ignored her and kept singing and that’s when Sheila figured out what she needed…. she reached into her pocket and pulled out her lighter.
Sorry I shouldn’t say her lighter, as she had borrowed it from someone weeks ago and had been fighting to make sure she kept it for as long as possible.
Jimbo didn’t see her reach into her pockets as they kept driving…Sheila looked out the window and could see two blokes washing windows at the lights coming up….
Fuck me, Could it be ?
What the fuck ? It can’t be?
shes never been that lucky ? And Jimbo couldnt be that stupid could he ?
All of the sudden the lights turned amber and the cars in front of them started to slow down. Sheila waiting in anticipation as they made their way closer and closer, until they came to a stop 4 cars away from the lights and fuck me, there was Dingo and Bricko washing windows.
Sheila’s heart dropped, this was her chance… Jimbo stared at them relising that he had fucked up and that through the bad luck of the red light the boys were now only a couple of cars ways. Sheila worked through a plan to let the boys know where she was as Jimbo turned toward her.
“ Don’t you get any fucking ideas Sheila, we will tell the boys your with us with I’m fucking done with you”
Sheila didn’t agree with that plan and she would be fucked if she would listen to the busted leg fuck any more…
Sheila grabbed at her lighter and punched Jimbo in the face, whilst the boys made their way to a second car collecting their money… they were close… she yelled and screamed, kicked and punched at Jimbo as he blocked the punches….
Bricko and Dingo were now at the row in front on them as Sheila continued her barrage of verbal and physical abuse !
They were so close she could see them, and thats when the lights turned green and the cars started to moved. The boys had stopped in front of a car… the problem was, it wasn’t their row and Jimbo laughed as they started to moved pass them……
Sheila watch out the window as Dingo and Bricko stood in front of a car not even looking in her direction…. she had to act quick…. she lit her lighter and pushed it into Jimbo’s neck and he screamed. With his busted foot he lost control of the car and it run up the gutter ….. creating a huge bang !!!
The noise was loud and Dingo and Bricko turned to see what had caused it…… the car looked familiar they thought as they grabbed the money off the driver and started walking off the road… watching the car that went up the gutter steer back onto the road…..
That was when a number of things happened at once.
Dingo and Bricko both yelled “Sheila” as they looked at the passenger seat window
Sheila yelled “ Jimbo the cunt has me !!!!” as she looked out at Dingo and Bricko
and Jimbo smiled as the car continued down the road, further and further away from the boys………
Dingo and Bricko turned to each other “ Fuck” they both said
“ We need to go and get her” Bricko yelled as he started to run
“ Where the fuck are they going ?” Dingo yelled
“ I don’t know, but it looks like they are on their way to Jimbo’s place” Bricko yelled as he continued to run…..” We need to start there”………
Jimbo kept smiling at Sheila as she looked surprisingly at him “ What the fuck are you laughing at Jimbo you cunt ?” Sheila asked
Jimbo kept smiling “ Well that didn’t go exactly as planned, a bit more painful then I would have liked, but the outcome was exactly what we wanted” Jimbo said as he started to laugh….
“ What the fuck does that mean ?” Sheila asked as they continued to make their way down they road ……….
So that’s where we leave Bricko, Dingo, Sheila and Jimbo for today, about to start on a plan that will set in motion a great many issues that will cause problems for everyone involved …. But that’s another story to be continued another day……. Boganwood is a place of many adventures and things have a tendency to work itself out, both the good and the bad….. and definitely the bogan….

Come back to Boganwood to find the answer to the questions
What will happen to Sheila ?
Why the fuck was Jimbo smiling ?
And Will Sheila ever get her fucking dole check ?
All will be answered in the next episodes and remember what they say in Boganwood…..
Leave my ciggys alone you fucking mole !

Boganwood Episode 4

Welcome to Boganwood, Canberra, (Au)stralia the forgotten suburb

Sheila sat in the car cursing at Jimbo and reaching across the wheel to hit and punch him, but Jimbo kept driving his car to the undisclosed location with a smile on his face and a strange look in his eyes. 

It was only moment ago that Sheila remembered that the events the day before hadn’t gone as planned. Yes they had given Dingo and Bricko the window washing business but the actual occurrence hadn’t happened as it was meant to…….. and Jimbo didn’t look too happy about it……….

Now before we continue with Sheila and her misadventures with the ever pleasant and handsome Jimbo, we should take a step back and talk about the reason Sheila is concerned that she is now locked in the car with Jimbo…….

Bricko, Dingo and Jimbo continued to discuss their plan as they walked toward the entrance to the supermarket……..missing out on one key problem…….

Bricko stopped Jimbo and Dingo.

“Guys, we shouldn’t go in together, they will be able to put two and two together, you know with them security cameras and stuff”

“Shit Bricko, thank god for you thinking and stuff, I wouldn’t have thought of that, you got a smart brain Bricko and we should listen to its thoughts” Dingo stated as him and Jimbo stood back.

Bricko entered the store looking around, or scoping the joint, or some other smart word for sussing it out and walked around the store and gave a nod for Dingo to enter.

Dingo and Jimbo entered the store together making their way through the aisles so they could get close to Bricko to nut out the rest of the plan.

Bricko walked down the oil aisle and grabbed a bottle and started his way over to Dingo and Jimbo to discuss their plan.

Now Im not gonna lie here people, have you ever seen three bogans standing next to each other trying to talk about something, when they are pretending they don’t know each other ? Well let me tell you it doesn’t look as inconspicuous as they would have liked to think, that and the fact that Bricko and Dingo had forgotten the one thing that was going to change the events of todays antics.

Although Bricko had walked past the security guard, he didn’t think anything of it. Why would he? today was all about making a so called accident occuring, but as Bricko enetered the store the Security Guard Diesel got a twinge of recognition.

“Fuck where do I know that bloke from” Diesel mumbled to himself. He sat there trying to work it out, but it was only moments later that Dingo walked in and Diesel remembered everything. Those fuckers ! What the fuck are those cunts up to he thought…..

Diesel decided to keep a safe distance to ensure the guys didn’t recognise him as he watched Jimbo join them. There they were, three bogans standing together in an aisle with two bottles of oil….what the fuck was going on he thought to himself. Those are the fuckers that rolled me, he remembered as he peered at Dingo and Bricko ……

Diesel had only been in the local pub for a couple of days now and he was just getting used to the different clientele, when he was called over the loud speaker to come quickly to the pokie machines.

It was there he met both Dingo and Bricko for the first time, sitting at a pokie machine as the feature went off, arguing with a lady.

The manager also walked up and gave Diesel an update on the incident from his perspective. It appears that as the women had gone to the toilet and she left a couple of dollars in her machine and hit the reserve button so no one could play her machine.

The womens version of the story continued…….. she returned from her toilet break and was greeted by Dingo and Bricko now sitting in her seat, playing her machine as the feature continued to rack up the dollars. Dingo and Bricko refused the leave stating that they had taken over the machine after she had left and gone to the toilet. The women went and got the manager to tell him of her misfortune at the hands of a couple of bogans and and the manager decided the best coarse of events was to call the new security guard as Dingo and Bricko had been know for causing problems during previous incidents within the club.

Now as with everything in Boganwood there is always 2 sides to the story, but we don’t have time for the truth here so we will continue with the womens version of events to get to Diesel’s distaste of Dingo and Bricko.

After the club manager asked Diesel to escort Dingo and Bricko off the local club premises, Sheila walked up and started in on them both. She was a trusting women, she was and no one was going to accuse her men of robbing some old lady…..

“Fuck off you dirty old cunt, I bet you just did your pension check and wanted some free cash. My men are not fucking granny stealers” She stated in the heat of the moment “They won that money fair a square, so don’t you fucking touch them”

It was at this point that everyone around them had started to watch as the incidents unfolded. Diesel but his hand on Bricko and Dingo saw red….. he decided to control his anger and stood up string at Diesel.

“Get your fucking hands off my mate, you bullied school kid that couldn’t make it as a police officer !”

Now things were getting out of hand, Diesel was furious ! How did he know all this about his life ?

Yeah he had been bullied in school and failed his police academy application, but who was this bloke to call him on it. He grabbed both Dingo and Bricko at the same time and pulled them toward the exit. Dingo and Bricko followed as Sheila yelled abuse at the top of her lungs as she followed them out “Let go of my husband you fucking dero ! Im going to sue you fuckers for kicking a pregnant women out of a place for no reason and blaming her husband and his mate of stealing !, Im going to current affairs !” Diesel continued dragging them out of the club, out past the front entrance reception desk and into the car park.

Now Bricko and Dingo have been in altercations such as this before because they were seen as easy targets but it didn’t mean they didn’t have a plan for Diesel, that he would soon regret.

Now to keep the pace of the story and to get back into the supermarket we should probabaly skim over this bit and we may revisit it in the future, but long story short…. Diesel ended up with a black eye and Sheila ended up with a security guards jacket…..

So that’s where Diesel remembered them from, the club, the jacket, Dingo and fucking Bricko ! He stood and watched the events as they unfolded.

Bricko took the oil and walked down the dog food aisle, piercing the top and dropping it as he walked. Diesel followed him down the aisle wanting to get revenge from the club knock him down while he wasn’t looking, unaware of the oil he was dropping.

Diesel started to charge at Bricko and  slipped in the oil falling on to his arse and as he was falling Diesel grabbed at the shelf bringing a large amount dog food cans onto his arm. Jimbo walked around the corner as this was unfolding…

“Fuck” Jimbo yelled as he saw the security guard

Bricko turned around at the noises as Jimbo ran off and Dingo came around the corner….. with oil in his hands…… Bricko wasn’t sure why he had oil as they had discussed that he was doing the oil, what the fuck was Dingo with his oil ?

Diesel screamed as his arm broke under the weight of the cans he pulled from the shelf,

Jimbo raced down the soft drink aisle toward the main entrance and slipped in the oil Dingo had dropped,

Dingo turned around and  yelled at Jimbo “I will meet you at the front Door”

“You fuckers got me again” Diesel yelled at Bricko and Dingo

Bricko made his way out of the aisle and walked toward the entrence glancing up the drinks aisle as he left and saw Jimbo laying on the ground with his leg at a crooked angle staring at him and yelling “ Help me you fucking Cunt !, What the fuck have you done you stupid fucks !!”. Dingo grabbed Bricko and yelled “ We have to get out of here……quickly”. They made their way out the front door and started their run home !

“ Jobs done” Dingo said to Bricko

“ Fuck, Im not sure that was the plan Dingo” Bricko stated, trying to work through everything. He needed some dope, that always helped him think clearly, he thought.

“ Listen, he wanted an accident in the shops so he could sue so we gave him one, the way I see it he got what he asked for and with his busted leg he will get more money from them and we can take over his window washing gig while he gets his money….plan successfully done”

Fuck Bricko thought, it kind of made sense but there may be some loose ends that they should probably deal with later…… Who the fuck was the security guard and why did it seem that he knew them ?

Bricko mind raced trying to work through the events and the questions that needed answering.  Dingo smiled at the success of their scheme, thinking of the great new window washing venture they were about to undertake.

Not many thoughts initially came to poor old Jimbo’s well being…. But they would as the next days events unfolded……….

So that’s where we leave Bricko and Dingo for today after their misadventure in the supermarket, little thought was given to the consequences of the events that unfolded…. But that’s another story which we will continue another day……. Boganwood is a place of many adventures and things have a tendency to work itself out and Diesel had now been done over by these guys twice, but we will get to that and with Jimbo taking Sheila things are about to get interesting….

Come back to Boganwood to find the answer to the questions

What will happen to Sheila ?

How is Jimbo going to seek his revenge for the incidents that unfolded ?

Will Diesel finally move on from his revenge against Dingo and Bricko ? and

Where is Diesels Security jacket now ??

All will be answered in the next episodes and remember what they say in Bogan wood…..

Im going to a current affairs !

Boganwood Episode 3

Welcome to Boganwood, Canberra, (Au)stralia the forgotten suburb.

Now before we get into what Dingo and Bricko got up to in the supermarket we should check back in on Sheila as she continues her long trek through the suburbs, on the determined mission to get to the centrelink office.

The neighbors cleared out of sheila’s way, as she walked down the street swearing and cursing at anyone that paid too much attention to her. Sheila was fuming and walking in her ugh boots was only creating more issues. Sheila continued down the street with her hand on her stomach to ensure her baby was safe. She was now a pregnant women and how dare they do this to her, they were taking food out of her unborn babies mouth. Sheila worked through the discussion in her head that she was going to have with the centrelink office, when a car pulled up behind her and started beeping it horn.
“ Fuck off you dirty cunt” Sheila yelled without looking around. The car continued to beep and sheila turned around to be greeted by someone she knew sitting behind the wheel of the car.
“ Hey ya Sheila, were you heading to ?”
In the car was Jimbo, Bricko and Dingos mate who had given them the window washing gig. Sheila stared at him trying to recall the story Dingo and Bricko told her of what had occurred the day before at the supermarket. Jimbo smiled out the window at Sheila and she felt in her waters that there was something that she needed to remember about this situation. Sheila worked through the events of the previous day and tried to recall the events of how Dingo and Bricko had come about the window washing business from Jimbo.
“ Where your bloke, Dingo ?” Jimbo asked.
“Wouldn’t have a fuckn clue sorry, he was out of bed when I got up. Bloody Centrelink have ripped me off” Sheila yelled back at Jimbo. Now sheila wasn’t the smartest vegemite, but she figured if she changed the subject she might be have time to recall what had happened at the supermarket so she started to rant…….
“ I woke this morning and went out to the mail box and the fuckers didn’t send me my check, now I was going to get me a bank account to get some direct transfer shit, but I thought why should I have to pay someone to get my money? Ha, this wasn’t a deal with old Sheila and I’m pregnant and stuff” Sheila continued un-interrupted whilst Jimbo called out in a means to end her rant.
“ And here I is walking down the street with no one to help me and I’m struggling cause I’m pregnant you know and my baby is making me sick and no one ever helps me and the government is fucked and Julia Gillard is a ranga red nut bitch that has screwed up the economy and Im thinking about going to a current affairs and stuff ……”
Sheila continued her rant until Jimbo had seen his opportunity to interrupt with a small solution to one of her so called problems. Jimbo pulled over the car blocking her way and yelled over the top of her “Sheila, Sheila, Sheila” until she stopped her rant for just a moment.
“ I will give you lift” Jimbo offered from his window.
Now something kept niggling in the back of Sheilas mind that there was something she was missing and she was almost certain that it was the ‘baby’ she held within her belly that kept her memory from being retrieved, not the second bong hit she had taken this morning as her breakfast.
It had something to do with the events that occurred at the supermarket, but try as she might all she could remember was that Jimbo gave the boys the window washing business when they had assisted him with his scheme. As the boys were today washing windows on Jimbos block, it must have went perfect, right ? Sheila hesitated walking toward the car until she asked more questions, but would they be the right questions ?
“ Why would you help me ?” she asked
“ Because we are mates, sheila and that’s what mates do for each other.”
“ Yeah but, whats in it for you ?”
“ Well only that I get to help out someone that I would like to think of as family and someone that would support me if I was also in a similar situation, because that’s what we do in Boganwood we help each other.”
Now that took Sheila back a moment, as she didn’t recall any of this being part of the boganwood unwritten law. There were a number of rules including no robbing your neighbors, no rooting your mates mum, only borrowing items from people that could afford it and not calling the cops of the music was played until all hours…….. and many more…..
But hell if getting a lift wasn’t a great idea for Sheila, she was already feeling the sweat soaking through her toes and was thinking that ugh boots probably weren’t the best of ideas and here was Jimbo the bloke that helped Dingo and Bricko out with their window washing gig.
Sheila made her way to the car as Jimbo smiled and reached over to the passenger seat unlocking the door so that sheila could open it from the outside. Sheila jumped into the car next to Jimbo and noticed for the first time that Jimbo had his leg in cast……. a memory slowly but surely crept its way back into Sheilas mind and she tried to grab it….
Leg……. Broken leg……supermarket…… but still she couldn’t put the pieces together, but she felt that getting a lift wasn’t the best of ideas so she tried to open the door again with no success, she looked at Jimbo.
“Your doors fucked, Ive changed my mind, I think I still have some rides left on my bus ticket and I have to go and talk to some friends’
‘ Nah your right Sheila, no problems at all, we should have a chat about a few things any way”
Jimbo stated as he started driving off “ Don’t worry about me broken leg, the cars an auto and the reverse and drive gears are the only things that work. I only need one leg to drive the old girl, so we will be there in no time at all‘
“ Nah you right Jimbo, I appreciate the thought and stuff but I think I should be getting out walking and stuff, that wasn’t a knock at your leg or anything, I’m wanting to keep up my health for me bub and stuff”
“ Now sheila what kind of mate would I be if I didn’t help you out ?” Jimbo stated “and I probably should have told you that the window is busted as well, so you cant get that bitch down any sorry, but hey lets face it, its better then riding one of those buses isn’t it ?
A thousand things ran through Sheilas mind in a matter of moments as she started to recall the events from the day before, she reached and reached for what had occurred. The busted leg, the supermarket, the oil, Dingo, Bricko……… and then all of a sudden it all came back to her as Jimbo turned and smiled. “ Now sheila, I should also explain that I had an ulterior motive to giving you a lift, we should take this time to have a chat about what occurred in the supermarket yesterday…..”
Sheila grabbed at the door again trying to get out of the car, to no success, she had fucked up and shit if she wasn’t going to pay for it. Jimbo wasn’t a happy boy and if she wasn’t pregnant, she would have recalled the event quicker. Jimbo smiled again at Sheila turning in the opposite direction of Centrelink
“Fuck me Jimbo, it wasn’t my fault…..fuck you cunt let me out of the car….what the fuck are you going to do you dirty crippled fuck ?” Sheila yelled at the top of her lungs.
Jimbo just smiled and said “ Sheila don’t be like that, we need to have a chat, but before we do, I have question for ya……do you have a ciggy ?”

So that’s where we leave Sheila for today, stuck in the car with Jimbo…. But that’s another story to be continued another day……. Now it shouldn’t go without mention that nothing that occurred the day before was sheilas fault and Jimbo should have been taking out his issues with the guys that caused the problem, Dingo and Bricko,….. but we will get to that story and how it all occurred next time we visit bogan wood……

Boganwood is a place of many adventures and in this case we have taken a look at the bad element, not Sheila nope she is only trying to support what is hers…..the baby, right ?, but Jimbo he is a man that should not be taken lightly …. Come back to Boganwood to find the answer to the questions

What will happen to Sheila now she is stuck with Jimbo ?
How does this all relate to Dingo and Bricko’s misadventures only days before ?
All will be answered in the next episodes and remember what they say in Boganwood…..
Wheres my fucking dole check ?

Boganwood Episode 2

Welcome to Boganwood, Canberra, (Au)stralia the forgotten suburb.


Sheila was pissed and not in the way she wanted…….the drunken way. A thousand different thoughts came to mind as she strolled down the street passing her so called neighbors…. Who the fuck did they think they were ? Opening their dole checks and already working their way down to the local pub to gamble it all away. Sheila had big plans for that money and it didn’t involve the pokie machines, that’s a dickheads game, she had made a grocery list the week before and damned if she wasn’t going to get what she deserved.

Her mind kept racing with the possibilities of her potential earnings being taken over with thoughts of how this could happen to her, Sheila was now know to be one of the best dole bludgers in town and her schemes had worked wonders. She had been on the dole since she had left high school and her mother wasn’t able to claim child support any more, she needed this income and someone was going to pay for this mistake…

As Sheila was walking down the street to get her way to the local centrelink office ……. Dingo and Bricko were working hard to earn a quick buck in the job that almost hadn’t happened only days before. They both talked about how lucky they were and how the opportunity of a lifetime had presented itself after one of Dingo’s mates had broken his leg during an incident at the local shopping centre.

…………..Dingos and Brickos mate, Jimbo had come up with a get rich scheme he had seen on an American TV program, in which he would get injured whilst ‘shopping’ and sue the shopping centre for leaving a spill on the ground. Whilst he worked through the plan, he had run into Dingo and Bricko as they were looking for crates behind the shopping centre for the fire they had at home.
‘Hey mate, you got a ciggy ?’ Jimbo yelled across the parking lot.

This was a normal greeting in Boganwood and could also be a profitable venture if you were good at it.

‘Nah Jimbo, just smoked me last one’ Dingo called out cautiously placing his hand over the half full pack of cigarettes in his pocket.
‘How the fuck are ya ?, What are you 2 cunts doing here ?’ Jimbo asked as he made his way toward them.

Now Bricko knew to keep his mouth shut as he was the thinking man and always liked to hear what other people had to say, so he nudged Dingo to also keep his mouth shut.
‘Yeah, well I just come up with the plan of the century and I’m thinking of retiring from my window washing job.’ Jimbo continued, Dingo couldn’t risk missing out on an opportunity like this so he had to ask more.

‘Oh yeah, what this scheme and how do we get that window washing gig’ Dingo asked. Bricko was actually interested in where this conversation was going, as he had been trying to get a window washing gig for a couple of years now and wasn’t able to afford the money to buy someone out.
The gig involved only a matter of items, but it was all about real estate. To become a window washer all you needed was a window squeegee, a bucket of water and of coarse dish washing liquid. You stood on a main drag and waited for cars to approach and washed their windows, but it might sound simple but there was an art to the level of manipulation that was required to force a driver to pay you a couple of bucks, even if he didn’t want his windows washed. Bricko started thinking through the plan as Dingo continued the conversation with Jimbo, but being cautious that Dingo didn’t fuck this up.

Jimbo talked in great length about the location he was manning on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays taking about the hundreds of dollars he made a day by doing the window washing gig. ‘Now this is just a temporary exchange so to speak’ Jimbo stated and started to smile ‘Give a ciggy and we will continue our talk’

Dingo didn’t hesitate this time and reached into his pocket pulling out 2 cigarettes and handing them to Jimbo. Jimbo reached into his pocket and placed the cigarettes into his now full packet and smiled at Dingo because he had them hook line and sinker.

‘Now what I need youse to do is go inside and create a spill for me to slip on, its as simple as that. I will be taking on the shops in court with my sprained arm or leg and whilst I’m unable to work, you guys can cover my spot’

‘Nah but yeah how are we going to do this with the cameras and stuff’ Bricko jumped in before Dingo could commit to anything.
‘Nah mate, you will be right. I didn’t say it was going to be easy, you need to make it look like an accident and stuff and I will handle the rest. Simple !’
Well it sure as fuck sounded easy to both Dingo and Bricko, but in the back of Brickos mind he knew nothing was that simple, but he would be fucked if he wasn’t going to give it one hell of a shot.
“let us think about it for a sec’ Bricko said as he grabbed Dingo and walked away to discuss how they could make this work.

‘ Now Bricko, this is a hell of an idea and image what we could do with 2 hundred bucks a day….. tax free for standing around doing nothing’
‘Dingo it appears too simple, and things never are that plain, especially when it comes to us’
‘Well think about it, all we have to do it go in there, pick a fight with each other and knock something over…..simple as that’
‘Yep I get that, but you and we aint that lucky mate, we never have been and the simpler the idea the more trouble it actually appears to be’
‘Fuck oath mate, I’m the first to admit we aint lucky but today we have the opportunity to change that and all we have to do is make sure this dickhead over there falls over’
‘Alright mate, so we go in there, knock over a drink or something and we walk out…….right’
‘Yeah mate in and out in 5 seconds and we will wear our sunnies and hoody, so no one knows how we are’
There was something still niggling in the back of Brickos mind, but what the fuck, it was going to be easy…… wasn’t it…… Dingo and Bricko walked back to Jimbo and confirmed they were in on the deal and shook on it to make sure the agreement was solid.
‘Alright, you only get my street lights until I recover from my so called injury, we got that ?’
‘Yeah mate, it’s a deal. So a couple of days a week we can cover you street lights until you are ready to go again and we get to keep all the earnings’
‘Mate if this goes off the way its suppose to, I wont need the money for a long long time’
Easy…..wasn’t it….. Bricko, Dingo and Jimbo continued to discuss their plan as they walked to ward the entrance to the supermarket……..missing out on one key problem…….

So that’s where we leave Bricko and Dingo for today, about to take out the plan that will set in motion a great many issues that will cause problems for both of them and Sheila only days later…. But that’s another story to be continued another day……. Boganwood is a place of many adventures and things have a tendency to work itself out, both the good and the bad….. and definitely the bogan….

Come back to Boganwood to find the answer to the questions

What will happen to Sheila ?
How does this all relate to Dingo and Bricko’s misadventures only day before ?
All will be answered in the next episodes and remember what they say in Bogan wood…..

Can I grab a ciggy ?